


White Noise Music

by Jaysop



Category: Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom
Genre: Aspergers, Caretaking, Emetophilia, Fluff, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Hannigram - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Separation Anxiety, Sickfic, Spacedogs, Stomach Ache, Vomiting, comforting!Nigel, sick!adam, spacedogs au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-30 09:44:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6418849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaysop/pseuds/Jaysop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam won't answer his phone and Nigel panics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	White Noise Music

**Author's Note:**

> Welp I finally wrote a spacedogs fic. It turned out so much fluffier than I had originally intended but here we are, mostly because I imagine Nigel as a hopelessly gushy romantic when it comes to Adam. This is my first time guys, I hope its not too ooc. I hope you all enjoy it!

~~~

“Hey, you know you can’t smoke in here.”

The window whirred down. A long lazy exhale of smoke seeped out his nose and encircled his face giving a somewhat demonic look to the man in the rearview. He took another drag and held it before responding, smoke escaping his lungs when he finally spoke.  

“Listen. I’ve been on a fucking plane for the better part of the last  _twenty four hours_.” Ash fell to the cab floor and Nigel leaned very close to the glass partition, eyes glowing in the rearview. “That's a really  _long fucking time_." The words were snarled from between pointed teeth. “And I don’t need some  _little prick_  telling me I can’t smoke in a fucking cab.”

His voice had sounded very close. The driver fell silent, his eyes flicking up to the rearview and then back to the road. He caught glimpses of Nigel as the street lights passed over him, small animalistic flashes bathed in smoke and darkness. There was something dangerous and also desperate about him.

Nigel leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. The rush of nicotine should have calmed but his hands still trembled, shaking ash onto his pant leg. For the millionth time tonight he checked his phone.

Nothing.

His heart sank. Adam knew his flight came in today. The sun was already setting, blazing out its last bursts of orange and pink across the rolling hills that dotted the skyline. Adam had been home from work for several hours now. There was no possible or likely scenario that explained why he wasn’t picking up his phone. No scenario that Nigel wanted to consider anyway. The thought of anything happening to Adam while he had been away made his chest ache. It made him dial the phone again and mutter curses when it went straight to voicemail.

The ride home was much longer than Nigel remembered. And it was his home now wasn’t it, he mused. It sounded strange in his head. But there was nothing in his way now, this last trip had made damn sure of it. And if Adam was alright, Nigel decided, he might never leave his side again.

A ridiculously long time and several cigarettes later the cab finally came to a stop at the end of a sprawling drive. A quick look confirmed there wasn’t a single light on in the house at its summit.  

Without hesitation, Nigel stepped out into the cool California night.

~~~

He didn’t even give a second thought to the amount of money he shelled out for the cab and he almost left his bags in the trunk before long strides carried him up to the porch.

The porch light was dark. Nigel examined the door but everything seemed normal. It was still locked. He riffled through pockets for his keys with one hand, the other clenching into a fist, the thought of Adam hurt and alone in the house making him ready to fight.

Nigel dropped his bags with a heavy thud just inside the doorway.

“Adam?”

No answer.

“Adam? Come on now, you’re starting to scare me love, where are you?”

For a frantic but thankfully brief moment Nigel searched the house, throwing on the lights in each room as he entered. He even checked outside the bedroom window that led up to the roof but Adam wasn’t there either.

It wasn’t until he poked his head into the adjoining bathroom that his search came to an abrupt halt. Adam had tucked himself into a corner, knees hugged against his chest, hands held tightly against his ears, shaking back and forth in a vain attempt to soothe himself.

Nigel let out the breath he had been holding since his plane touched down.

“There you are, angel.”

Dark curls trembled, tiny beads of sweet gathering at their tips. Every muscle clenched, a barricade of flesh and bone compact and trembling, a fortress of his limbs protecting him. Nigel shut the bathroom door, his movements purposely slowed, and it closed with a soft click. Adam’s shoulders twitched at the sound.

The sink was turned on until the water streamed cold, the sound of it velvet soft, filling up the empty silence like a lungful of air.

Adam felt it. It vibrated into his chest and up his spine and finally settled at the base of his neck, soft but weighted like an old down pillow, beginning to warm him from the inside out.

Nigel knelt down leaving a small space between them. He didn’t venture any closer, not yet. He had learned to wait even though every fiber of him just wanted to hold him, every instinct said to gather him up and stop him from shaking. But he waited. He waited until the sound of running water rushed like wind. He waited until Adam, hesitantly, looked up at him through a fringe of curls, eyes rimmed red. 

“Ok…ok…close your eyes again for me.”

Nigel wrapped a towel around his shoulders and then when Adam didn’t shy away from him he slid an arm around his back. Adam froze at first but then softened, letting Nigel pull him into an embrace. He sucked in a deep breath having somehow forgotten how important breathing was. Nigel smelled like cigarettes and coffee and it was warm and familiar. The arms around him felt strong. They felt like they were holding him together, keeping pieces of him from flying apart.

Fists relaxed and dropped away from Adam’s face. Nigel settled in closer until Adam could hear the faint thump of his heartbeat, until his breath matched pace with the rumbling rise and fall of Nigel’s chest.

The sound of pulse and breath and the soft shush of water began to make white noise music. Adam focused on the sound, let himself fix his concentration there until the tension slowly drained from scrunched shoulders.

“Ni…”

 “There you are,” Nigel cooed, fingertips combing through Adam’s hair. Recognition returned to his face, and even though Adam didn’t make eye contact yet, Nigel knew he had come back to him.

"I’m not feeling very well…and you weren’t here…and I…”

“Shush love, I’m here now,” Nigel soothed.

Adam hid his face against Nigel’s chest. His words came out muffled. “I got sick.”

“It’s alright." Nigel held him, his hand cradling the back of Adam’s head. “It’s alright if you got sick. Everyone gets sick now and again.”

Adam’s face burned hot. “I made a mess…”

“Don’t worry about that now. Come on, hold onto me.”

Adam’s arms were already wrapped tightly around Nigel’s neck before he picked him up. Legs wrapped around Nigel’s waist as well and he carried the other like a sick child, all the way down the hall and into their bedroom.

“I missed you,” Nigel whispered, lips soft against Adam’s flushed cheek. He didn't need to hear it back to know the feeling was mutual.

Adam stayed quiet as Nigel let him down onto the bed, still neatly made and obviously not slept in. He fidgeted with his hands trying to ignore the churning emptiness in his stomach. Nigel kicked off his shoes and began unbuttoning his shirt.

“You’re feeling really awful aren’t you,” Nigel said, more of a statement than a question. He stepped out of his pants and then rummaged through the dresser for a pair of Adam’s pajamas.

“Yes, really awful,” Adam managed, his voice sounding a bit thick. Nigel sat beside Adam with a little grunt, the mattress dipping under his weight. He rolled his shoulders and handed Adam the neatly folded pajamas.

“Oh…” Adam said sounding flustered, “I didn’t ask how you trip was. I should have asked you. Did everything go alright?”

“I almost wished you hadn’t,” Nigel mumbled. He gingerly helped Adam lift his shirt over his head and slip an arm into the pajama top.

Adam looked down at the hands that fumbled at each button. He watched them intently as Nigel pawed at the fabric with some difficulty. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Of course you didn’t,” Nigel said, another button done. “It went well. Long fucking flight though.  I’m just glad to be back on the ground.”

Adam nodded his response as Nigel finished buttoning his top. His mind wandered back to when he had flown by himself. He didn’t wish that experience on his worst enemy, not that Adam had much in the way of enemies. He cringed inwardly remembering the tight press of bodies in the isle and the overwhelming sea of voices chattering before takeoff. And then being sandwiched between two strangers, elbows touching his as he tried to scrunch himself smaller, the roar of the engines and the rattling climb into the air with only metal and glass separating him from an endless expanse of sky. He covered his face and took a deep staggering breathe.

“Hey…hey it’s alright.” An arm slid around him and Nigel began to rub tenderly into tensed shoulders. “The good news is I don’t have to ever do it again.” A small shaking sigh and Adam turned to throw arms around Nigel, face pressed into the crook of his neck. “You’re stuck with me now, darling.” Nigel grinned.

“I’m not stuck with you if I  _want_  to be with you,” Adam corrected in a tired but earnest tone.

“No, I suppose not.” Nigel was still grinning.

Somehow he managed to detangle himself just enough from Adam’s limbs to reach over and turn off the light. He wrestled with the sheet for a moment until enough of it was freed to at least cover Adam’s shoulders, a lingering tremor still making him shiver now and then. For a few moments all was quiet in the dark save the sounds of soft breath. Unable to even consider sleep, Nigel began to rub long strokes across Adam’s back, slow and even.

“I’m not going anywhere.” The words were warm across Adam’s temple. His body was heavy now, the rhythm of his breath evening out, becoming deep and steady. “I’ll be right here when you wake.”

~~~

A painful sounding moan and Adam opened his eyes to a dark room. Not that it was all that easy to sleep anyway with Nigel’s rumbling snoring and his tendency to roll in his sleep, but Adam found he was awake for a different reason.

His pajama shirt was wrinkled and damp, dark patches of sweat soaked through on his chest and under his arms making the fabric cling. His hair was plastered uncomfortably to the side of his face and his stomach felt heavy and sour. His vision wavered in and out when he sat up.

 “Nigel…”

“Mmm…” Nigel mumbled and rolled over, arm reaching for Adam and finding purchase on his knee.

“Nigel…please wake up…”

A snort and Nigel opened his eyes to see Adam looming over him, eyes darting frantically underneath mussed curls. Nigel cleared his throat and blinked into the dark.

“I’m awake…I’m awake…”

Adam swallowed hard, “Ni…my stomach hurts….”

Nigel sat up and clicked on the table lamp pausing to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

“It’s alright,” he said his voice still rough from sleep. “Think you can make it to the bathroom?”

Adam nodded and Nigel took him by the arm, lifting him to his feet. Together they took a few hesitant steps until Adam froze on wobbly legs.

“Just lean on me.” Nigel snaked an arm around his waist and they made it a few more steps before Adam stopped again.

“I can’t,” he forced out. “I’m gonna be sick…”

“I’ve got you.” Nigel steadied him as he swayed.

He was trying so hard not to throw up, his eyes tightly shut, jaw clenched. Nigel pressed a hand to Adam’s chest, rapid heart beating underneath.

They both stayed very still until Adam lurched forward to gag. He came back up panting, a bit of saliva dribbled down his chin.

“Ugh…I don’t like this…”

“No one does darling. It’s ok. I’m right here with you.”

Unable to stop it, Adam lurched forward again and retched, his small frame shaking with the effort. His breath was coming in gasps. Another gag and a torrent of yellowed sick spilled from him splattering onto the floor. Nigel kept him steady as his head began to loll forward, Nigel’s palm still pressed tightly into his chest. 

“It’s alright. You’ll feel better when it’s over,” Nigel soothed. Adam closed his eyes not wanting to see the mess in front of him. He coughed and gagged again, bringing up another stream of burning liquid.

“Ni…it really hurts…” he panted, vomit hanging in long strands from his lips.

“I know, love. It’ll be over soon, I promise.”

“But how…can you promise that?” Adam whimpered between pants. Another gag followed the words bringing up a thin trickle of vomit that splattered into the gathering mess, spraying back against the cuffs of Adam’s pajama pants. Before he could snatch another breath he dry heaved, Nigel struggling now to keep him upright.

Stuttering breath hitched as Adam fought through more dry heaves. When it seemed like he could manage it, Nigel coaxed him into the direction of the bathroom.

“See, it’s over already and you’re ok,” Nigel soothed, his voice low.

Adam didn’t seem so sure.  

When they reached the bathroom he planted himself in front of the toilet. His head was swimming from the long walk down the hall. He leaned elbows against cold porcelain and held his head in his hands, a small moan echoing off the sides of the bowl.

Nigel had left for a moment only to return with a blanket and a few pillows to try and add some comfort to the unforgiving bathroom floor. He had a strong feeling that was where they would be spending the night.

Adam dry heaved again, a loud echoing retch that left his ribs aching. A cup was filled with water from the tap and offered, but Adam shook his head no, spitting a long string of saliva into the bowl.

“I think your stomach’s empty,” Nigel said, a hand coming to rest at Adam’s back. “It would at least give you something to bring up. It won’t be so painful that way.”

Adam stubbornly refused, his eyes fixed downward into the water, his cheeks still burning with embarrassment, and his body feeling too weak to force eye contact. With the pad of his thumb Nigel wiped a tear that had slid down the other’s cheek.  

“Trust me, just a small sip.”

Hesitantly, Adam sat back from the toilet and took the cup in both hands. He stared blankly into it. Nigel encouraged and Adam took the tiniest of sips, the water feeling cold all the way down his throat.

He waited several minutes before he dared take another sip. A bit more this time. After a few gulps he pushed the cup to Nigel who took it, but not before spilling half on the floor. Adam scrambled back over the toilet and gagged, the water forced back up in a burning spasm.

“You’re ok…” Nigel whispered to him. He slipped underneath the pajama top and placed a big hand across Adam’s belly and started to rub a little. There were a few more stubborn dry heaves but soon enough Adam pushed away from the toilet to catch his breath.

"I think...maybe...I need to throw up more..." A pillow was slid behind his back and Adam reluctantly settled, his stomach still feeling like it needed to empty again despite there being nothing left to give up.

“Its just aftershocks," Nigel cooed, "Just try to relax." Adam closed his eyes and took a shaky breathe. He concentrated on Nigel’s voice, the way his accent rolled the words as he spoke.  “Try to clear your mind. Think about something that makes you happy, a happy memory you have to keep your mind off feeling sick.”

"I can’t think about anything besides my stomach,” Adam said. He tried to clear his throat and it sent a sharp pain through his ribs. He winced curling an arm protectively round his belly.  

“I will think of one for you then," Nigel said settling down beside him and wiping his chin with some tissue. “How about the time we fell asleep on the roof?”

Adam had closed his eyes picturing it. “ _You_  fell asleep on the roof,” he corrected.

Nigel smiled, “And you woke me up because you didn’t want me to miss all the shooting stars.”

Nigel could see the recognition flash into his eyes as Adam remembered. “The Perseids. When the earth passes through the debris field of the Swift-Tuttle comet. There are sometimes as many as 60 visible meteors per hou--”

“Yes. The Perseids,” Nigel interrupted with a hand to Adam’s cheek. “And I thought, for a moment, that I was dreaming. I had never seen so many shooting stars. And you told me they were burning up, extinguishing in the sky, quick flashes as they turned into ash.” Nigel’s fingers wove their way into Adam’s hair. “And I thought, there was nothing so perfect as that moment with you against a backdrop of stardust.”

Adam had forgotten his stomach for the moment. He could see the memory play out in his head. The way Nigel had smiled at him that night as he explained the difference between meteors and meteorites, when he explained that most of them burn up before they ever reach the earth, but some end up plummeting to the ground, coming to rest after an unimaginably long journey through the void of space, stone still for the first time in centuries.

Nigel had watched him talk excitedly, had waited for as long as he dared, and then when he couldn't stand to wait a millisecond longer, had pulled him close to silence him with a kiss.

“I remember,” Adam said his voice sleepy, “It was the first time you told me…you told me you loved me.”

Nigel rested his chin on top of Adam’s lazy head. He took a deep breath, his nose buried in curls. “And I do still.”

Adam seemed to calm, his body feeling heavy. He wanted to sleep, was so immensely tired it should have been easy, but every time he drifted nausea would force his eyes back open, and with a groan he would try to find a more comfortable position, restless and ragged.

Nigel whispered to him, his breath ghosting across Adam’s face. Adam turned onto his side and slipped a hand underneath Nigel’s shirt, resting a palm against his chest, getting lost in the steady rise and fall of each breath he took.

Even in the dark Adam could make out bruises contrasting harshly against the white cotton undershirt, peeking out from underneath it. His fingertips hovered above skin, afraid but curious.

“It looks worse than it feels,” Nigel said catching Adam’s hand as he retreated.

“Well, it looks like it hurts,” Adam said bluntly. The bruising fanned out across Nigel’s stomach, outer edges of black fading gradually into purple and then into a vast cloud of yellow like a nebula painted across flesh. Nigel guided the smaller hand to lay flat against his ribs. Adam’s fingers spread exploring until Nigel lets out a hiss.

“It does hurt.” Adam retreated again, crossing his arms.

“It’s alright love. You didn’t put it there.” Nigel arranged the blanket over them both. “I’ll tell you all about it when you’re feeling better."

Adam hummed in protest but soon let out an “Ok, Nigel,” that meant he would wait for the more interesting details but he wouldn’t be happy about it.

“You should try to rest,” Nigel said, bringing the blanket up around Adam’s shoulders. Adam nuzzled soft curls underneath Nigel’s chin, settling against him as comfortable as he was going to be on the bathroom floor.

A few moments of silence and then a small voice, “Nigel?”

“Yes, darling?”

Adam slipped a hand around Nigel’s waist, mindful of the sore spots, “I missed you.”

He couldn’t see it, but Nigel was smiling, looking down into a nest of unruly curls, threadbare blanket tight around petite shoulders. “I know,” He said, “I know that you did.”

Soon enough heavy eyelids slipped closed and Adam’s head began to dip until he was all dead weight on the other’s shoulder, his breath steady. Nigel watched every last ounce of tension drain out of him, small hand still lightly gripping at his hip.

"Try to rest, darling,” Nigel whispered, “Maybe you will dream of the stars. Maybe you will dream of us there.” 

~~~

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are fully appreciated and adored <3
> 
> also on tumblr  
> [jay-sop](http://jay-sop.tumblr.com)  
> [little-known-secret](http://little-known-secret.tumblr.com)


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